Humorous writing

Emily wrote this for her Literature class. A word of explanation: They had studied Benjamin Franklin, who often wrote under pseudonyms. Their assignment was to create a pseudonym of their own and write a letter to the editor.


Character Description

Fiona Fretter: Fiona worries about everything (as you can probably tell). Every little thing bothers her and in her book, everything matters, no matter how minute. She is also accusatory toward the people that she believes are behind the problem.



To my kind Editor,

I have several matters of deep and precise concern to present to you. Some of the important issues of this community are being ignored and overlooked. Our mayor and city council members do not take these problems seriously and their lack of attentiveness contributes to the serious nature of these matters. So, I am forced to take action and present these devastating and otherwise depressing concerns to you.

For instance, someone with a sharp pencil could turn around and poke your eye out. Then we would have a bunch of blind people running around and bumping into each other! Another concern is that road construction workers could get run over with a bulldozer because they didn’t look both ways. I feel that flattened construction workers would not look very appealing to visitors to our fair city.

Leaves are a big, messy problem, as well. People could hide in big piles of leaves and jump out and mug you. Hair brushes can be used as weapons. Someone could knock you over the head with one and kidnap you.

All of these potential hazards need to be addressed. Therefore, the police force needs to be drastically increased. We need more officers on the force for traffic and to deter criminal activity.

Signed,
Fiona Fretter